Sex, Teens and MURDER | Until Dawn Review

A nice change from the Telltale games whereas the choices are more for fun, the choices in Until Dawn truly have an impact on how the game ends. While on the surface it seems like your cliche slasher movie (sorry, game), Until Dawn has a more profound and lasting message… if you’re willing to look for it.

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I'll Be Watching You (And You Suck) | Blair Witch (2016) Review

Oh, Blair Witch Project how you terrified me when I was ten. You terrified me to the point that I was scared to go camping or even walk outside of my house in the dark (FYI: I live in the semi-woods). 

Oh, Blair Witch (the 2016 sequel) how you didn't do anything.

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So Kingdom Hearts Still Exists and It's Been Delayed | KH 2.8: Final Chapter Prologue

Kingdom Hearts still exists peeps and the third one is a long way away. The newest introduction to the series, Kingdom Hearts 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue (yes folks, that is the actual name. It's the Dark of The Moon of Kingdom Hearts), has been delayed from a December release to January. But who really cares? 

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Underworld Refuses To Die | Newest Blood Wars Trailer

You know the movie is going to be shit when they have to heavily borrow scenes from the previous installments to try to sell it.  With the vampire and werewolf subgenre being as saturated as it is, I'm surprised that Underworld still got the budget to make a final (PLEASE LORD) installment .

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The Blind Man Is King | Don't Breathe Is Terrifying

Preface: I dislike modern horror movies. That's not to say that the older horror flicks are better and that modern flicks suck. I, personally, hate the direction the genre has taken. Most rely too heavily on jump scares (Paranormal Activity anyone?) or disgusting gore fests (Saw, Hostel, 2013's Evil Dead?). Where is the suspense of Alien (Sci-Fi horror still counts!) or the quirkiness of Wes Craven's (RIP) films. I may be completely wrong in my assessment but many mainstream entries lack that "horror" element and reek of laziness. 


Don't Breathe was most excellent. By playing on one of our (read: my) scariest nightmares of being alone in my house during a home invasion, the plot immediately sets the mood without much setup. The plot is simple -- break into a blind man's house and steal his money -- yet it turns into one of the most warped movies you'll see (this year).

Supernatural | The CW, 2005

Supernatural | The CW, 2005

Three friends -- Rocky (Jane Levy), Money (Daniel Zovatto) and Alex (Dylan Minnette) want to escape their deadbeat lives in Detroit for the bright lights of California. Rocky's arc is a common one -- a druggie who wants to leave her shit parent for greater pastures and a better life. The only problem? Money. 

Rocky's boyfriend, Money (who has no background story or arc -- you know what that means) convinces the other two to rob an old blind veteran with a small fortune (from a legal settlement) stashed somewhere in his house. (FYI: The character's name is The Blind Man. Stupid yet terrifying eh?) And thus the story begins.

What follows is a cat and mouse chase between the three youngsters and the dude from Avatar (Stephen Lang). The blind man proves to be more than capable of defending himself despite his disability and the thieves find themselves trapped.

Suspenseful? Yes.
Predictable? Definitely.

Yet despite its predictability and simplistic plot, the film keeps you fully engrossed in its twisted plot. While you feel sympathy for the young thieves, they are breaking into a guy's house to rob him of his money (that he received after his daughter was run over and killed) -- so the blind vet has every reason to defend himself.... that is until you realize the gruesome truth. (I will never look at a turkey baster the same way... ew ew ew). 

However: two thirds in, the film enters the realm of disbelief. (e.g. the girl falls from a high distance, lands on her neck and she's perfectly A-OKAY -- sorry but nah, there's no way). At this point, I just want it to end: Stephen Lang is terrifying in his role. He barely speaks throughout the movie and yet I'm at awe of the man and his ability. Say hello to your new Cable friends. 

Final Verdict: Don't Breathe preys on multiple primal fears -- dark, home invasion, etc. -- that helps elevate the simple plot to something more sinister and twisted. Stephen Lang's portrayal of the mostly silent Blind Man and the brilliant directing from Fede Alvarez and his cinematographer cement this film as a modern horror classic. 7/10

No Man's Sky | Hello Hermit Sandy

 I just want to note that I'm on vacation in Punta Cana right now while writing this post. That is how good of an impression this game made on me.

No Man's Sky is a completist's dream, which is basically me (it took me an entire year to finish Dragon Age: Inquisition with all those side quests...) There are many galaxies to explore and planets to harvest to extinction. It's perfection! It's beautiful! I want to live there. There is just so many aliens and SO MUCH GOLD TO BE MADE. Once I started I just couldn't stop. Forewarning: this game may cause addiction and loss of sleep.

The Little Mermaid | Disney, 1989

The Little Mermaid | Disney, 1989

I had no intention of buying NMS until after I finished my long list of games to finish (which by the way, is just too long 😭 -- looking at you Witcher and Fallout). But it just looked so pretty that I couldn't resist, ahh!

At first, it seemed boring with its mundane tasks. It literally just throws you into the game with no explanation. The idiot that I am -- I didn't get that there were objectives to complete. Sooo, I spent a better part of my first hour walking around and hacking stuff. (I'm still confused how I lasted an hour). 

When I finally managed to fly up into the air, I realized the sheer vastness of the game and how much there was to do. There really is no point to the game other than exploration and discovery. By meeting different aliens, you learn the weird language. By mining different crystals, you survive. You get your frustrations out by killing off those pesky sentinels. I named each planet after various members of my family, so if you ever run into the Jiji galaxy, that'd be me.

Matthew McConaughey is all of us.

Even the astronaut can't wait to get his hands on No Man's Sky. Original No Man's Sky Trailer: Original footage is from Interstellar, I do not own any rights. Non-Commercial use. A thanks to oskararnarson for the Star Wars clip. Was inspiring!

This is what Destiny or Star Wars: Battlefront should have been. Exploring different planets and fighting through hordes of aliens. Not just sticking to two or three planets doing the same tireless missions over and over. And then having to pay to attempt a new mission?? Dislike, lame and no thank you. (Also fuck you both for costing $60 bucks for nada).

Verdict: I can't give No Man's Sky a proper rating until I've played it fully. I've only explored about, like what, 2% of the game? But as a first impression, it definitely impressed the pineapple off this girl. 🍍